5 Reasons Why Your New Puppy Sucks

Let’s be honest with ourselves. Puppies are cute. Puppies are fluffy. We told ourselves we desperately wanted a puppy. And we had no idea what we were getting ourselves into. For anyone considering getting a new puppy, heed these warnings carefully. Your new family member will eventually blossom into a full-fledged adult with a fine sense of responsibility and duty, but your new family member, right now, is just a puppy. And you’re probably going to hate him for a while.


  • He Pees Constantly

On your carpet. Or your couch. Or wherever is convenient when his bladder gets full. Yep, prepare yourself for a house full of puppy excrement when you go to pick up your fun little friend. Stock up on the Woolite and pull out your vacuum because puppies have the smallest bladders you’ve ever had the displeasure of taking care of. And they will, without a shadow of a doubt, void them in your house. Puppies need to go to the bathroom around every 45 minutes, so start setting your inward timer now. You’ll be in sync with their insanely frequent potty schedule in no time.

  • He Cries at Night

Your puppy was just ripped from his mother and his brothers and now is being squished into a lonely, dark, and unpleasant kennel. He’s not going to be happy. And you’re going to hear about it. Prepare for long, sleepless nights while listening to your puppy squall about how hard his life is, ungrateful wretch. Although you’d probably be pretty bummed, too, if you were him.

  • He Chews on Everything

Remember having baby teeth? Remember wanting to chew on every important electrical cord in the house? Oh, wait. Nope, that’s just puppies. Keep an expansive stock of fun and tasty toys around for your puppy to grab ahold of. He’ll probably want to chew your shoes and your clothes anyway, but you can always give antlers and bully horns a shot. Never let your guard down with your puppy, as he’s probably off somewhere destroying something expensive.

  • He Doesn’t Listen

Puppies don’t care. They don’t have a reason yet to give a rat’s behind about what you say, so don’t expect them to come running when you call their name. They might if they care to, but if something else catches their attention, they’ll probably immediately forget that you exist. Usually their lack of any meaningful attention-span is also a contributing factor, making them hard to be angry at but also excessively annoying.

  • He’s Expensive

If you can’t afford to buy a puppy, don’t go get a free one. Puppies require extensive vaccinations their first few months of life and while they aren’t overwhelmingly expensive the costs do add up. If you don’t already have a dog, you will need to buy things like: a kennel, dog food, a collar, a leash, bedding, toys, tags, food and water dishes, poop bags, and so on (not to mention neutering or spaying). The list, while not endless, is long. Don’t think you’re done when you buy the dog. There’s a good deal more shopping to do.


Should You Get a Puppy?

Sure, why not? The suffering only lasts for… six to eight months, or more, depending on your training and the breed. In all seriousness, getting a dog is one of the best decisions you’ll ever make. It is also one of the decisions you will probably initially regret the most. Remember that your new fuzzy friend is only just experiencing life for the first time, while you’ve been in it for decades. Have patience, have a little love, and while your puppy may suck for a while, it’ll all be well in time.